Do Wacha Gotta Do.

Hello my Scrunchies!

I hope everyone had a fabulous weekend and a great start to the week!

My people and I were out of town over the weekend in Mississippi to lead worship for a youth event at the former church of one of our dearest friends, where his dad is still the pastor. If you don't know, my husband is a drummer (hubba hubba) and I sing pretty much every Sunday of our lives. Music is one of the biggest parts of who we are and it is always so great to have a weekend full of worship, songs, and friends! This is always one of my favorite events to go to because it's a fun group of people playing music together that are so good at their craft and we mesh together so well. There are always a lot of laughs, deep thoughts, and interesting conversations.

During our weekend there was a lot of talk among our group about our different personality types using the Myers-Briggs personality-type indicators. I discovered that I am an INFJ-T, or an Advocate, which is apparently the most rare of all personality types. The short definition is "Quiet and mystical, yet very inspiring and tireless idealists."

I feel like this makes me sound WAAAY cooler than I actually am.

Reading through the full personality description takes about fifteen minutes, but let me tell you...IT READ MY MAIL.

"INFJs indeed share a unique combination of traits: though soft-spoken, they have very strong opinions and will fight tirelessly for an idea they believe in."

Such a battle between being naturally shy and having an intense desire to speak out on how I feel!!!

Best way to fulfill both those desires? BLOG! Woo hoo!

If you have never taken one of these personality tests you 100% need to do that right this second. It's so neat and it puts into words all those little quirks that make us unique. Click here for the link!

Another fun thing that happened over the weekend: Aria made her big stage debut! You can see her at the top of this post during one of our rehearsals (thanks Brett for the amazing photo! #portraitmode). Isn't she just too much cute to handle?! Uugh!

I was a little nervous for Aria going into this weekend. She is generally very well behaved but she gets severe separation anxiety when either me or Lee are not around. We are both on stage for at least the beginning of every church service and often have to go back up at the end. Over the weekend there were a total of three youth services--one Friday night, one Saturday morning, and one Saturday night. Then we also played at the two regular church services on Sunday morning. One at 9am and one at 10:30. That leaves a LOT of time that Aria was going to have to sit with someone she didn't know well...talk about a nervous mama.

I don't know why but I REALLY struggle with not wanting people to think Aria is a bad child, because she isn't! Part of me feels like if they see her cry for ANY reason they will think the natural way I try to raise her just isn't working and no one should ever be crazy enough to go against the grain and do anything against the expected "norms" of modern child rearing.

Maybe I read into these things too much😂

The OTHER part of me often wins out thank goodness. This part is a fierce Mama Bear that will do whatever it takes to do what is right for her child no matter what people may say or think. I bet we all have a Mama Bear inside of us! (Or Papa Bear!!)

Since the first two nights were youth services, there were no traditional nursery workers, so I had to rely on some wonderful friends who were a part of our group to watch the baby. A quick thank you to Jillian, Jenny, and Kathy for being so awesome and watching Aria for those Friday and Saturday services when I'm pretty sure she cried the entire time I was away from her. Thank you for being patient and understanding that a crying child is just a small part of this wonderful journey of motherhood! I know it's not easy when she gets like that and you ladies are angels for helping so selflessly!

I am trying to appreciate these times where Aria wants to be with me so much that she literally cries the entire time I am not with her. I know that one day, probably very soon, that won't be the case and I will miss her wanting me so badly.

Needless to say those first two days she did not do very well.

On Sunday morning there were two services, one at 9 and one at 10:30, and the nursery was open so the ladies mentioned previously finally got to enjoy a service without watching Aria. Luckily the church we were at has a wonderful nursery staff that was so welcoming, accommodating, and understanding!

I left her for the beginning of the first service and went back as soon as the music was over and--no surprise--she had cried the whole time. At the end of that first service I had to go back onstage so I left her screaming again. The poor child cried herself to sleep through the beginning of the last service and woke up right before I had to go onstage for the last time.

I had toyed with the idea of holding her on stage the whole weekend. Each time I talked myself out of it from fear she wouldn't act right or that people would judge me or find it unprofessional to have a child on stage. Fear that people would think I was a bad mom or feel sorry for me because my child wasn't well behaved enough to stay with a stranger. Or worse--that I thought I was too good to put my child in the nursery, which is for sure not the case.

I had to go back up one more time for one song at the end of the very last service. Aria had had an emotional weekend. Five different times of me leaving her and crying pretty much the whole time. She woke up right before we had to up and I had a choice. It was scary. I was nervous. But you know what?

Aria rocked it.

I held her while we did our song and she was so calm and content. Not scared of the lights or the big crowd. I was so proud!!

I was still a little wary of what people would say, but my pride for how well she had done out shown anything else.

After it was all over I had several people come up and tell me how much they loved seeing her on stage and that they were actually proud of my courage for bringing her up there with me!

Although these few lovely people were proud, I'm sure there were others who may have been distracted or thought it was unprofessional or maybe even felt sorry for me. I wonder where our culture took a turn that led to having a child with you being deemed unprofessional or undesirable in certain circumstances? I'm not really sure how it got to this point, but I'm glad there has been a slight cultural shift recently.

I guess my main point of this post is this: Follow your instincts.

Aria would have probably been fine if I had left her again, but what a wonderful exchange. I got to hold her and worship alongside my baby. I got to be an example to show others that..

1. I am a human. Just because I'm on a platform does not mean I am any different from you. My child needs me.

2. Sometimes being a parent can "interfere" with the norm and that is OKAY.

3. My first calling is to my family.

Sometimes a scary situation turns into a glorious experience. My motherly instinct told me that she didn't need to be left again, she had been through too much, and that she would do fine...and she did!

I'm not saying that I am always going to hold her when I lead worship, I won't. But you better believe that if I feel like she needs her mama in that moment, I won't hesitate. And if you leave your child in the nursery or at daycare I am not saying you're doing something wrong! I am merely saying that I know we have natural motherly (and fatherly) instincts, and to go against them just because we fear what the "cultural standard" may say is going against nature itself.

Our children need us. Sometimes more than others. Don't be afraid to let them!

You guys are amazing and I hope you got something from this post that was just more of a story. If you are interested in watching the service I have attached the link here. This link takes you to their general archive page. We are on the message “World War Me” from January 14th 2018. The video is of the first service so you won't see Aria, but it will give you an idea of what a wonderful, big thing she did! A huge thank you to Crossgates Church for having us and being so wonderful!

I hope this week brings you much joy and memories!

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Eat the kale. Eat the cookie. Have a scrunchy day.

Lauren

Proverbs 18:10